What to write about

Well right now i can't think of much, my mind is scrambling trying to process everything. I have an ex who is dating someone, says she loves me and yet wont dump him, she doesn't think it wise that we hang out and i still have feelings for her. i hate this i hate her and i love her. i want someone i can be intimite with and i can share my soul with. I don't think it's ever going to be possible, she was the only person i could share my soul with. i hate this, i feel like a failure all the time, nothing seems to work out and everyone thinks it's a simple fix. I'm shy around girls, people don't seem to understand this and they just say well go get a girl. i can't it's hard to talk to them and idk what to say. all i want is a relationship that i can trust, one that wont hurt me.